this one person hurt me so much that i can't feel my heart...

ok...

then i hurt this one important person heart

sbb hati tgh serabut and i rasa nak marah je...

now.. i feel guilty...

but does it matter?

sbb... org tu taknak ckp dgn saya sbb dia dah terasa....

bertambah serabut kat hati....

thanks to the first person yg hurting me...

u berjaya buat my life kucar kacir by hurting me...

i won't talk to u anymore..

no title

my mind is not working well...

i got mad easily...

i hate almost everyone...

i got those unsolved-business-in-my-heart thing..

rasa sgt sgt takde mood...

rasa nak lari from semua org...

have my own time...

so that i wont hurt people when my heart is hurting...

u know...

i'm at the point where my heart is hurting...

and i dont care anymore about the others' feeling..

and i will end up hurting their feeling too...

u got what i mean?

hmmm...

i dont feel good about it...

and that just make my heart more and more painful...

why not?

i don't text people much right now...

i don't even bother to on YM or Skype or whatever...

i don't bother if i don't look at my facebook...

the only thing i do?

i will update what i think of at twitter...

but dont bother to read those unrelated...

and i will update occasionally my fb,

but dont bother to read those at others' wall...

only my close friends...

and guess what?

i dont even bother to use my bbm, whatsapp, pingchat....

unless, for those i consider as my close friends...

why am i behaving like this?

why not?

why must everything that i do is not right for u?

but, have u ever ask, have u recently done the things right?

i'm having those break down in the same time...

suddenly i'm sick of u and a lot of others...

if u can treat me like that, i'm gonna treat u the same way...

dont tell me what i do is wrong...

coz i never question what u do...

so, in case u're asking,

"nur,why r u behaving this way? don't take the effort to keep in touch with me and others... serius lupa member!"

my answer will be..

WHY NOT?

huh!

what i see now?

kebencian yg mendalam....

hati ni... ada kebencian yg mendalam....

thanks to who?

not one...

but a lot of them....

thanks a lot....

kebencian ni wujud sbb anda2 yg berkenaan...

jgn nak pertikaikan erti friendship with me...

u don't know a damn thing about it...

jgn nak pertikai erti cinta with me...

u don't know a damn thing about it...

jgn nak pertikai how i live my life...

u don't know a damn thing about it...

..

tiba2 i don't give a damn anymore...

tiba2 i'm sick of a few persons...

tiba2, I've had enough of the drama...

penat tau tak...

ckp pandai...

ada buat tak?

responsibilities bersama kan friendship ni?

but why i'm the only one now?

so, hey u... and u too....

penat ok....

lantak la....

whatever....

i'm not gonna talk with u...

or u....

why i even bother to try....

when u don't give a damn....

so yeah....

let me play the same game...

i'm dont give a damn too...

nak ckp apa, ckp la...

when i try... u dont see it...

so, elok takyah try... senang...

it will result to a same thing....

go aheah blaming me...

u're really good on that...

i don't bother anymore...

bercampur aduk

what i really want now?

i dont know...

but i know one thing...

not everything we want, we will get it...

and not everyone that we need, will be there..

kdg2, susah rasanya nak lepaskan sesuatu yg kita sgt mahukan...

yg sgt2 mahukan....

and kemudian pretend like u never wanted it in the first place...

but, come on...

jadi rational...

do u really think we can get everything?

in the positive way,

i try to think it this way...

maybe.... i can't get that thing...

and, later....

rupanya ada a bad thing happen...

that's why ada hikmahnya i didnt get the thing...

come on babe!

ckp senang la....

tido malam asyik fikir...

bila ada masa sorang2.. fikir lg...

but then... what to do? this is life!!

i know another thing...

as i said before...

my life is not a fairytale...

there is no happily ever after....

its more like...

suffer. happy. suffer. suffer. suffer. happy.

and the list will continue...

that's the real life huh?

but to cheer myself...

yoo! in few months time, i'm going for my graduation... InsyaAllah...

hmm...

but why... deep inside...

i know despite that i happy... there's something.. i'm not happy...

no no...

bukan saya tak bersyukur...

but, there's a secret side of me...

something...

hmmm...

whatever....

kdg2, kita kene belajar lipat perasaan tak bahagia tu... simpan in the deepest place that we can't reach...

then, that is when we can appreciate what we have... =)

so, enough with the graduation thing....

move on...

i'm devastated sbb ticket bruno mars yg maxis promotion dah habis...

lol... apa ni....

entry atas mcm org matang...

suddenly devastated sbb bruno mars?

tak matang ok!

haha...

ok ok.. enough with it... =)

enough?

ok.. this is it..

i'm officially in the dilemma...

tiba2, taktau what's the best for me..

yeah.. i know...

we never know pun...

but the thing is...

i don't know what's the plan to keep on walking...

or maybe running?

it can be climbing as well am i right?

hmm... what else to say?

what else to write?

the last fews months...

i know what i want...

i know what i should do...

i know what i love...

and i know what i don't..

but suddenly, again...

with the blink of eyes....

i changed...

ok ok...

of course because of the variable changed too....

and some part that are not a variable is a variable now!

u know what i mean?

this is when, things that we never ever think it will cause a problem,

suddenly is a huge problem..

added to our existing problems...

oh God, how am i going to make a decision now?

between what i want, what i should do and what's the best?

23! its a big number... i'm going to be 23 real soon... (ok, not that soon... few months lg)

the big number come with a big responsibilities..

am i right?

ok... put it this way...

what do u feel if suddenly u learn that,

u r not that important.. ?

or... when the person that u given so much chances, just can't change...

what i should actually do?

have u ever wonder, why i dont believe in love?

have u ever wonder, i had given so much chance to u but u r still the same u?

have u ever wonder, if i ever get hurt with your attitude?

or have u ever wonder, to actually change?

hmmm...

ni yg tak suka ni...

i don't like to write about love...

painful enough for me...