no title

my mind is not working well...

i got mad easily...

i hate almost everyone...

i got those unsolved-business-in-my-heart thing..

rasa sgt sgt takde mood...

rasa nak lari from semua org...

have my own time...

so that i wont hurt people when my heart is hurting...

u know...

i'm at the point where my heart is hurting...

and i dont care anymore about the others' feeling..

and i will end up hurting their feeling too...

u got what i mean?

hmmm...

i dont feel good about it...

and that just make my heart more and more painful...

why not?

i don't text people much right now...

i don't even bother to on YM or Skype or whatever...

i don't bother if i don't look at my facebook...

the only thing i do?

i will update what i think of at twitter...

but dont bother to read those unrelated...

and i will update occasionally my fb,

but dont bother to read those at others' wall...

only my close friends...

and guess what?

i dont even bother to use my bbm, whatsapp, pingchat....

unless, for those i consider as my close friends...

why am i behaving like this?

why not?

why must everything that i do is not right for u?

but, have u ever ask, have u recently done the things right?

i'm having those break down in the same time...

suddenly i'm sick of u and a lot of others...

if u can treat me like that, i'm gonna treat u the same way...

dont tell me what i do is wrong...

coz i never question what u do...

so, in case u're asking,

"nur,why r u behaving this way? don't take the effort to keep in touch with me and others... serius lupa member!"

my answer will be..

WHY NOT?

huh!

what i see now?

kebencian yg mendalam....

hati ni... ada kebencian yg mendalam....

thanks to who?

not one...

but a lot of them....

thanks a lot....

kebencian ni wujud sbb anda2 yg berkenaan...

jgn nak pertikaikan erti friendship with me...

u don't know a damn thing about it...

jgn nak pertikai erti cinta with me...

u don't know a damn thing about it...

jgn nak pertikai how i live my life...

u don't know a damn thing about it...

..

tiba2 i don't give a damn anymore...

tiba2 i'm sick of a few persons...

tiba2, I've had enough of the drama...

penat tau tak...

ckp pandai...

ada buat tak?

responsibilities bersama kan friendship ni?

but why i'm the only one now?

so, hey u... and u too....

penat ok....

lantak la....

whatever....

i'm not gonna talk with u...

or u....

why i even bother to try....

when u don't give a damn....

so yeah....

let me play the same game...

i'm dont give a damn too...

nak ckp apa, ckp la...

when i try... u dont see it...

so, elok takyah try... senang...

it will result to a same thing....

go aheah blaming me...

u're really good on that...

i don't bother anymore...

bercampur aduk

what i really want now?

i dont know...

but i know one thing...

not everything we want, we will get it...

and not everyone that we need, will be there..

kdg2, susah rasanya nak lepaskan sesuatu yg kita sgt mahukan...

yg sgt2 mahukan....

and kemudian pretend like u never wanted it in the first place...

but, come on...

jadi rational...

do u really think we can get everything?

in the positive way,

i try to think it this way...

maybe.... i can't get that thing...

and, later....

rupanya ada a bad thing happen...

that's why ada hikmahnya i didnt get the thing...

come on babe!

ckp senang la....

tido malam asyik fikir...

bila ada masa sorang2.. fikir lg...

but then... what to do? this is life!!

i know another thing...

as i said before...

my life is not a fairytale...

there is no happily ever after....

its more like...

suffer. happy. suffer. suffer. suffer. happy.

and the list will continue...

that's the real life huh?

but to cheer myself...

yoo! in few months time, i'm going for my graduation... InsyaAllah...

hmm...

but why... deep inside...

i know despite that i happy... there's something.. i'm not happy...

no no...

bukan saya tak bersyukur...

but, there's a secret side of me...

something...

hmmm...

whatever....

kdg2, kita kene belajar lipat perasaan tak bahagia tu... simpan in the deepest place that we can't reach...

then, that is when we can appreciate what we have... =)

so, enough with the graduation thing....

move on...

i'm devastated sbb ticket bruno mars yg maxis promotion dah habis...

lol... apa ni....

entry atas mcm org matang...

suddenly devastated sbb bruno mars?

tak matang ok!

haha...

ok ok.. enough with it... =)

enough?

ok.. this is it..

i'm officially in the dilemma...

tiba2, taktau what's the best for me..

yeah.. i know...

we never know pun...

but the thing is...

i don't know what's the plan to keep on walking...

or maybe running?

it can be climbing as well am i right?

hmm... what else to say?

what else to write?

the last fews months...

i know what i want...

i know what i should do...

i know what i love...

and i know what i don't..

but suddenly, again...

with the blink of eyes....

i changed...

ok ok...

of course because of the variable changed too....

and some part that are not a variable is a variable now!

u know what i mean?

this is when, things that we never ever think it will cause a problem,

suddenly is a huge problem..

added to our existing problems...

oh God, how am i going to make a decision now?

between what i want, what i should do and what's the best?

23! its a big number... i'm going to be 23 real soon... (ok, not that soon... few months lg)

the big number come with a big responsibilities..

am i right?

ok... put it this way...

what do u feel if suddenly u learn that,

u r not that important.. ?

or... when the person that u given so much chances, just can't change...

what i should actually do?

have u ever wonder, why i dont believe in love?

have u ever wonder, i had given so much chance to u but u r still the same u?

have u ever wonder, if i ever get hurt with your attitude?

or have u ever wonder, to actually change?

hmmm...

ni yg tak suka ni...

i don't like to write about love...

painful enough for me...

least expected

ujian Tuhan dtg dlm pelbagai bentuk, bila2 masa...

and the time i least expected it..

the time i thought it is going smoothly,

that is the time, i'm wrong.....

kita slalu ckp tentang, hujan menimpa diri kita...

dan, percayala... pelangi akan muncul selepas itu...

i guess, kita terlupa...

pelangi itu hanya sementara...

hujan akan turun lg...

guruh akan tiba....

kemudian barulah, pelangi itu muncul kembali...

kan?

i been there.... and i going to be there again...

get what i mean?

i mean.... the last 1 hour,

my life is at the "pelangi phase"..

but, with the blink of eyes,

i'm in the other phase....

Alhamdulillah...

dont forget to see the positive things in every challenge...

ujian yg menimpa...

alhamdulillah....

Tuhan percaya pada kita utk laluinya sekali lagi...

dan akan hadiahkan pelangi itu lg jika kita berjaya harunginya...

kan?

so, senyum... nikmati kebahagiaan,

walaupun hanya sesaat....

=)

my wish list v1

oh oh.. never have my own proper wish list... *tak penah publish*
since my birthday fall in the same month as my convocation, i got excited...
want to list out the things i want... not necessarily mahu disbbkan that both dates...

1. bruno mars concert ticket on 10 april @pwtc *and klu bley nak pegi dgn kawan2*

2. to have my friends (shadah, kila, zarul n awien) to attend my convocation coz i know my abg am wont be attending it since dia kat uk.. so, hoping for my friends to come and make me more happy..

3. baju kurung utk convo! i want yg i choose my self... maybe red... or purple *wink wink*

4. new handbag *that i choose myself* haha...

5. i want someone to teach me how to make up... just a simple one... *sbb tak penah suka benda2 mcm tu... compact powder is the only one i'm using*

6. oh oh.. rindu... lama tak pi makan kat chilis! nyummehhhh....

7. nak jam baru... * pretty plssssss* DONE... oh yehh!

8. nak perfume vanila, preferably princess by vera wang... *pretty plssssssss*

9. kasut baru and flip flop baru *i need to choose it myself yehhh*

10. something that i really want but too shy to write it here... but it cost me about RM 900 *saje tulis sbb nak remind myself about it*

11. new purse *but not really eager to have a new one as my existing still ok*

12. one day fun time with my friends... *hang out, eat, and something fun and adventurous! *

*updated as at 27 feb 2011.

cuba

Kdg2 aku fikir.. Kenapa jadi mcm ni eh?
Hmmm.. Maybe.. Bila kita sakitkan hati org buat pertama kali,
Org tu takkan lupakan selamanya..

So, no matter how we try..
It will only lasted for a while..
Then, one mistake will bring back our past mistake
And hilanglah whatever yg dah dicuba dan diterima tu..

I feel so bad for hurting people..
But I never wanted to..
Aku tak faham kenapa..
Aku cuba buat apa yg termampu..
Aku syg dia..
Alangkah bagus jika dia tau..

Dan tentunya aku taknak sakitkan hati dia..
But nampaknya semuanya tak berhasil..
I'm trying so hard..
But nothing left..
So, one word will rosakkan semuanya..

Hmmm..
Some says, trying so hard means,
Takde usaha yg good enough..
Maybe?

kesedihan

sedih sgt sgt sgt sgt tau tak??
i wish i can let out of everything, but i cant...

aku penat... aku nak bahagia gak...
aku nak ada perasaan tu...
aku nak perhatian tu dari sorang ni...
tapi aku tak dpt?
tapi aku cuba bertenang..
aku buat mcm aku ok...
penat tau tak kalau asyik mcm ni??

and one more thing...
aku sedih pasal kau juga....
aku tau perasaan tu ada...
but r u sure u can take care of me?
think again...
sedih bila memikirkannya....
i wish u really can...
i'm surpised u didnt do anything...
hmmm...
close the book...

sedih juga sbb ada kawan yg tak tau hargai erti sebuah persahabatan...
kalaulah aku boleh larikan diri...
or buang that chapter
so that i can live more happy lepas ni...
penat gile nak melayan korang ni tau...
sedih sgt...

kdg2 bila fikir..
i cant live alone...
i need my friends..
i need my family...
i need the attention...
but....
entahlah...
serabut...
that's all....

nak belajar jadi tak berhati perut mcm org2 tu...
tapi tak mampu....
bila baru buat sikit, diri sendiri akan rasa bersalah yg amat...
taktau mcm mana org2 tu buat...
kagum diorang boleh jadi begitu kejam and tak rasa pape bila tgk muka sendiri kat cermin...

aku tak mampu buat mcm tu...
aku akan rasa bersalah and tak mampu tgk muka sendiri...
haha...
korang2 mmg hebat....
pijak hati aku...
bunuh hati aku...
tanpa rasa bersalah...
siap gelak lg..
wow.. hebat...