itu apa?

ok... today nak ckp something yg tak penah ckp...

tentang kecik hati...

let me tell u this...

come on people...

jgn tipu...

setiap drpd kita, pasti ada saat2 yg kita terasa hati...

kecik hati.... simpan dlm hati or whatever u all call it...

kan? kan?

why am i asking this?

sbb i tetiba terasa muak dgn this one particular person...

firstly, i kenal dia pun sbb kawan i yg kenalkan...

and one thing...

i dah perasan dia tak suka having me around...

but, i buat taktau je la...

then... ada la beberapa peristiwa....

dia buat hal....

yg seriously buat hal...

tikam drpd belakang...

and dia bley ketawa bila dia tau saya terluka...

damn!

and guess what?

dia ckp, padan muka...

motif?

satu je....

push me as far as dia boleh...

kenapa?

hanya i dan dia tau...

hmmm...

ok, then...

akhir2 ni.. dia ni berlagak baik plak...

kat status fb n bbm, nampak sgt dia terasa with someone...

i taktau la sape... yg pasti bukan i sbb i tak layan dia dah...

but, bila ada org comment, dia ckp, dia tak kecik hati pun...

what the???

my point is...

kenapa kau nak berlagak baik?

muka mmg dah elok dah tuhan jadikan...

tapi, kan lebih elok if perangai kau elok gak?

come on,

if kau terasa dgn kawan kau tu...

ckp je la...

takyah ckp, kau tak penah kecik hati...

kalau kau ckp,

kau DAH TAK kecik hati, logik...

tapi...

kau TAK PENAH kecik hati, tak logik...

u got what i mean?

nape i marah?

sbb... dulu....

satu ketika dulu...

masa i baru je sembuh drpd luka,

kau tambah luka itu...

dan...

kau ckp....

"padan muka, sape suh kacau XX"

damn! i tak kacau dia...

malah, i larikan diri dari dia...

dia yg keep on cari i...

why i nak lari?

sbb kalau kau nak tau,

dia antara sbb nape hati aku luka berdarah masa tu...

so, kau tak patut tambah luka tu...

and ckp...

padan muka...

tau tak sakit itu apa?

kuat

bila fikir2 balik...

mmg la sedih...

sakit la bila kene tipu...

bla bla bla....

but, hey, after all that....

i never failed wake up in the morning and be happy....

yes, i will be sad...

when i'm alone...

or terutamanya masa malam2...

but....

after all that,

i can still be me....

so, i'm kinda strong u now...

i boleh simpan sorang2...

and i can pretend like nothing happen...

oh heart,

u r strong...

despite everything that happen....

u r strong...

mmg betul kan...

Tuhan takkan uji kita dgn ujian yg kita takley tempuhi....

masa laluinya...

kita rasa nak give up...

and rasa mcm tak mampu nak rasa sakit tu...

but, lepas tu...

kita kene kuat gak kan?

so.... ya....

i sedih...

but i akan kuat....

thanks diriku sbb jadi kuat...

24/7

so... here's how it started...

i'm watching television just now...

then suddenly, i realized i'm all alone...

so, and nothing interest me in any channels...

so... switch off the television and went up to my room...

once i'm here... everything change....

all i wanted to do is think... think... think......

so...

i end up remembering all the pain...

but hey, the pain never go away....

i only hide it in my room...

so when i'm all alone...

the pain will directly appear in front of me...

not that i'm running away from my problems...

but, i'm trying to put a line between my personal problem and my life...

i can't imagine me holding on the problem 24/7...

i will end up being someone that is totally so not me...

i will not laugh out loud....

hmmm...

i end up posting several post in one night...

this is better than me mourning in my bed doing nothing...

what la?

i know this one thing...

hati disakiti....

when i'm all alone...

i will feel the pain...

my heart and my mind will directly switch the mood...

but, u know what....

i tak kacau u....

when i'm with my friends...

i'm still me...

i laugh a lot...

like A LOT...

i jokes around...

i'm still the same me....

so, pehal nak marah?

sbb, even if my heart broken into billions of pieces...

and my heart all pain and bla bla bla...

but, i didnt drag my friends into it...

i wont talk about it...

unless...

i repeat...

UNLESS...

my friends ask about it...

and still, i never tell everything...

coz u know what....

it gonna take one whole day for me to tell everything...

so... no....

like seriously...

even if i'm hurt madly and deeply....

i takkan susahkan my friends...

i wont....

this is my problem....

in fact, its my heart problem...

i dont want to drag them into it....

so, can u now leave?

stop criticize something u dont know...

my wish list v2

updated version!!

1. bruno mars concert ticket on 10 april @pwtc ------> i dont give a shit anymore.. i can have my own concert in my bedroom..

2. to have my friends (shadah, kila, zarul n awien) to attend my convocation coz i know my abg am wont be attending it since dia kat uk.. so, hoping for my friends to come and make me more happy.. -------> i changed my mind... something came up... so, cancel....

3. baju kurung utk convo! i want yg i choose my self... maybe red... or purple *wink wink* ------> i don't give a shit either... whatever....

4. new handbag *that i choose myself* haha... ------> hell ya i still want a new handbag... belum dpt.. hehe...

5. i want someone to teach me how to make up... just a simple one... *sbb tak penah suka benda2 mcm tu... compact powder is the only one i'm using* -----> nothing to write... booooooooooo to myself... hahahha...

6. oh oh.. rindu... lama tak pi makan kat chilis! nyummehhhh.... ------> later....

7. nak jam baru... * pretty plssssss* ------> DONE... oh yehh!

8. nak perfume vanila, preferably princess by vera wang... *pretty plssssssss* ------> .......

9. kasut baru and flip flop baru *i need to choose it myself yehhh* ------> ya ya.. dah jumpa yg minat... but nanti la... tunggu sponsor.. hahaha...

10. something that i really want but too shy to write it here... but it cost me about RM 900 *saje tulis sbb nak remind myself about it* ------> what is it again??? hahahaha...

11. new purse *but not really eager to have a new one as my existing still ok* ------> gedikk.... pakai jeee apa yg ada...

12. one day fun time with my friends... *hang out, eat, and something fun and adventurous! * -----> insyaAllah gonna meet them time convo... =)

.

.

.

.

tambahan

13. i want to disappear... dont ask me why... hmmm....

14. i wish i can make up my mind regarding a lot of things... hmmmm....

15. Ya Allah, u showed me the true colour of some of my friends... can u keep me far away from them? i'm hurting... i am hurting... deeply... truly... plz... Amin...

16. i wish i can wash away all the pain in my heart... i can't feel it anymore...

17. do take care of my precious friends... especially SHNID... they might not read this... but God, plz... take care of them... it doesn't matter whether they know how i feel... most importantly, God, You know how i feel...

18. i cant help but ask u again, wash away my pain in my heart... it hurts badly...

19. now... i realized that i dont really need any fancy stuff... but, all i wanted are those money can't buy...

enough for now...

help

my heart broke into pieces....

and it will not be the same...

not that i cant put it back together...

but, for me...

it is better that way...

if its already broken,

no one can brake it again...

i repeat..

.

.

.

NO ONE CAN BRAKE MY HEART AGAIN..

hmmm....

so, can u see know how broken my heart is?

i stop believing in those things....

i tried to give it a chance...

in fact, a lot of chances...

but... i think....

its enough for now....

someone asked me... how long will u be like this....?

but, do u bother to ask, how long had u been this way?

well.... frankly speaking...

i started to feel that i'm giving up 2 years ago...

but....

i'm the one who keep on giving chances...

believe in the impossible things...

bla bla bla...

so now.... let it be...

pathetic me to keep on writing on those things...

but hey....

i can't help myself...

i can't share it with people...

i just can't....

writing does help me....

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like seriously...

this one person hurt me so much that i can't feel my heart...

ok...

then i hurt this one important person heart

sbb hati tgh serabut and i rasa nak marah je...

now.. i feel guilty...

but does it matter?

sbb... org tu taknak ckp dgn saya sbb dia dah terasa....

bertambah serabut kat hati....

thanks to the first person yg hurting me...

u berjaya buat my life kucar kacir by hurting me...

i won't talk to u anymore..

no title

my mind is not working well...

i got mad easily...

i hate almost everyone...

i got those unsolved-business-in-my-heart thing..

rasa sgt sgt takde mood...

rasa nak lari from semua org...

have my own time...

so that i wont hurt people when my heart is hurting...

u know...

i'm at the point where my heart is hurting...

and i dont care anymore about the others' feeling..

and i will end up hurting their feeling too...

u got what i mean?

hmmm...

i dont feel good about it...

and that just make my heart more and more painful...

why not?

i don't text people much right now...

i don't even bother to on YM or Skype or whatever...

i don't bother if i don't look at my facebook...

the only thing i do?

i will update what i think of at twitter...

but dont bother to read those unrelated...

and i will update occasionally my fb,

but dont bother to read those at others' wall...

only my close friends...

and guess what?

i dont even bother to use my bbm, whatsapp, pingchat....

unless, for those i consider as my close friends...

why am i behaving like this?

why not?

why must everything that i do is not right for u?

but, have u ever ask, have u recently done the things right?

i'm having those break down in the same time...

suddenly i'm sick of u and a lot of others...

if u can treat me like that, i'm gonna treat u the same way...

dont tell me what i do is wrong...

coz i never question what u do...

so, in case u're asking,

"nur,why r u behaving this way? don't take the effort to keep in touch with me and others... serius lupa member!"

my answer will be..

WHY NOT?

huh!

what i see now?

kebencian yg mendalam....

hati ni... ada kebencian yg mendalam....

thanks to who?

not one...

but a lot of them....

thanks a lot....

kebencian ni wujud sbb anda2 yg berkenaan...

jgn nak pertikaikan erti friendship with me...

u don't know a damn thing about it...

jgn nak pertikai erti cinta with me...

u don't know a damn thing about it...

jgn nak pertikai how i live my life...

u don't know a damn thing about it...