bro...

to a friend of mine...

*actually i considered him as a friend... walaupun tak pernah jumpa....*

ok... secara generalnya....

u know...

a relationship...

no matter how long it is....

or how short it is...

if we really put our heart 100% to it...

yes, sakit...

malah... sakit sangat bila hilangnya...

and yes, bila nak nasihat org...

lebih senang...

but, bila kita kat situasi tu...

sakit mcm hell!

takley tahan....

and yes, utk move on, we must let go...

sakit utk let go,

but sakit juga utk hold on...

but again... easy said than done...

kan?

i know...

i been there...

kdg2... i can write a post about how miserable i am...

then, i boleh write a post about i need to move on...

but after a week....

bila i nampak any update about that person...

kekuatan n positivity tu semua hilang...

and i back to the miserable condition...

hmmm...

but then....

one thing...

atleast kita kene percayakan diri kita yg kita boleh lakukannya...

kita kuat....

yes, eventually, asyik teringat2....

but....

something yg saya belajar juga...

writing down kesemua kesakitan tu tak melambangkan kita lemah....

bagus utk tulis...

biarla if org ckp,

"cukup2 la tu"

biarla if org ckp,

"kau ni lemah sgt"

biar....

seriously...

biarkan....

kita menulis bukan sbb nak tunjuk kita lemah....

tapi, kita menulis sbb kita sedang mencari kekuatan...

kekuatan to face the thing...

kekuatan utk sikit demi sikit lupakan sakit itu...

hanya org yg kuat mampu tulis apa yg mereka rasa...

kan?

so....

bro, write whatever u feel...

i wont advise u to stop write about it...

sbb bro...

kalau u simpan, tu lg bahaya....

let it out...

face it...

masalah takkan go away if u keep on running from it...

=)

i hope u know this post is for u...

rindu

masa tu kita takley cari ganti...

takley ulang balik....

but, yg kita boleh hold on to ialah memori...

why am i saying this?

tiba2...

well....

rindu kat kawan2....

nak konvo dah ni... buat teringat2 hal masa blaja...

how kami boleh siapkan cipta lagu utk presentation in one whole day n recorded it...

how kami siapkan our assignment despite byk gile keje...

mcm mana masih cari masa pi sunway...

makan baskin robbin kat jusco bukit raja...

malam2 pi makan kat sek 7 la... sek 6 la... sek 9 la.... sek 2 la.. mana2 la...

pergi uptown la...

hahaha....

dlm2 busy....

mcm2 tempat yg kami pergi...

part pergi uptown tu takley blah...

sbb kononnya bosan malam tu...

then... rasa mcm nak pergi...

before tu dgr kawan citer jalan nak pi sana...

then.... sebenarnya time ni kami baru lepas makan malam...

then igt nak pi survey la jalan pi sana...

since baru kul 9pm kan....

so... here we go.....

then, bila dah sampai, tgk uptown dah bukak pun...

apa lg...

parking...

and jalan2....

serius sebenarnya tak membawa faedah apa2...

but...

the thing is...

kami gelak2...

tgk2 barang....

somehow, tension hilang....

sbb penat laaaa asyik tgk buku....

bluuueekk...

haha....

so.. sejak tu... rajin plak kami ke sana....

haha....

i miss those moment...

then, masa bulan puasa...

kami ni sgt sgt eager nak pergi bazaar kat stadium shah alam je...

haha...

tapi, pi sana beli benda sama je...

yg boleh dibeli kat bazaar yg lg dekat dgn rumah sewa...

-__-"

but, seriussss best! hahahahaha....

rindu...

rinduuuu....

rindduuuuu.....

diorang rindu saya?

=)

taknak

ok... here i am... writing again... mana menghilang? before ni sibuk tgk tv.... heee....

esok nak pergi kenduri kahwin kawan...

=)

btw.... my exam...

nak tau tak the progress?

.

.

.

no progress.....

hahahaha....

ok2...

saya janji....

lepas wedding esok, saya akan study....

*sbb mmg kene mula dah*

huhu...

taknak tulis post yg serius... penat laaa...

=(

sakit belakang...

kan best if ada org nak belanja pergi spa...

urut! terasa leher sgt tegang... huhu..

=)

stop me from fooling myself...

why?

i'm going to do that...

like seriously...

haha...

btw... wow...

sekejap je dah 24 April...

cepatnya....

my convocation is less than a month...

oh... okay....

dlm kata lain.... my birthday semakin dekat...................................................

=)

=)

tua plak rasa diri ini....

umur?

alaaaa....

takde laaaaa muda...

lol....

23 + 5 - 8 + 4 - 1 = ??

hahahahahha

=)

errr

no matter how hard saya cuba,

saya sgt teruk in showing my emotion...

haha...

bila perlu tunjuk sedih, i can't...

bila perlu tunjuk syg, i can't...

ya ya..

but tak kisah la...

weee...

why am i saying this?

sbb...

my mock exam is coming up....

but, i have no sense of urgency to study...

i have no determination to study...

er...

this is bad...

my lecturer ckp....

kalau gagal, dia nak baling keluar tingkap...

er... tingkat 3 is not that high...

kan?

errr...

ok...

slap myself in the face...

*pang pang*

now i'm awake...

need to watch ncis... and tomorrow ada bones!

er....

tersilap..

patutnya study...

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

oh ye.... nak bg arnab makan la...

=)

respect it

i'm tired.... like seriously....

emotionally tired.... taknak fikir pape.... study? tolak tepi.. minggu depan baru mula... this week? for myself.. me and only me... no one else... and, no one should know about it.... why? avoiding problem is better than fixing it... kan? so yes... this week, my week.... no one can make me talk to them.... kecuali.... my family... my lovely soul mate.. and this one friend... i will tell him... and of coz kawan2 yg tak pernah berjumpa kat blog... atleast i know kawan2 blog yg tak pernah bertemu muka takkan tak puas hati nanti...

this week... i will end it for myself.... respect it...

i am not good enough

so, here i am.. atleast i know today my day was ok....

boleh makan utk my mom...

but, i'm not going to write about it...

i'm going to write about something else...

i know sometimes, people jokes around...

but, ada benda2 yg tak cool...

imagine i have a really tough week... then dgn semangat belajar tak kunjung tiba.. and dgn having my hard time in my personal life... then i can finally go out n have fun... but, someone suddenly question me why am i having fun? why am i eating this... why am i go there? personally, yes, saya mengaku... saya sgt sensitive! and lgpun, ok, maybe one of u nak joke around, but, why lg sorang secara sinisnya talked to me? marah? tak cool... can u imagine? saya tgh happy akhirnya... then, kene perli n marah mcm tu... u know how sad i am? the moment i hung up the phone, i cried non stop... questioning myself what else is going to be wrong?? i'm trying so hard, yet, never good enough....

why am i all sensitive about never good enough? because this is what i've been having sejak dulu... whatever i do, never good enough huh?? when i tell someone, i dpt a good result, the respond, oh.. ok... when i told someone, saya nak grad degree dah.. the respond, oh, ok... yes, saya tau, ada yg gembira... ramai yg gembira, but why am i so sad? sbb that someone is someone special... so, after having series of those incident, yes, saya sensitive!

so ya... if sape2 nak ckp saya oversensitive, go ahead... i'm not a type of person yg akan burst into tear easily, but, hell ya i'm very sensitive about friends.. my best friends... at least that is what i rasa n fikir...

if, without giving u what u want making me a less best friend, i'm sorry... but, i had enough... keep on marahkan saya... yes u can... coz u know what? it wont be good enough... i will NEVER be good enough to anyone that i want to... i tried... and obviously i failed...

this is very difficult for me... but, what can i say n do? saya tak sangka akan tahap, people will question about what i ate.. if to be your bestfriend is about telling u what i'm gonna eat.. about telling u what i want to buy to other friends... and need to justifying why i do something, sorry, i give up... yes, its hurts badly... but, i'm not good enough to do that...

yes, i dont mad at u... but, yes, i'm sad... and i know u're sad too sbb i'm sure whatever i write, ada yg buat kamu kecik hati... but u know.... i'm not good enough...

try to please everyone u love, u will end up becoming me... its very very devastating to know i had failed to please the people i love... i dont care about others, i care about the one i love.. but, setakat ni.. saya gagal nak puaskan hati majority of the persons i care...

now... i don't feel like seeing sape2 pun... i will stick to my mom... atleast i can please her... atleast she won't question what i ate walaupun that day dia makan lambat sbb waiting for me..

bila fikir, i know... people akan ckp, nur, u over react over a simple joke... yes, say whatever u want... i never good enough kan?.. so, benda tu tak bg kesan dah...

i'm tired, good nite

don't let me choose...

between my mom...

and my friends...

especially in this hard time...

what hard time?

aaahhh.... see...

byk benda di dunia yg kita taktau...

kdg2, memberitahu seperti memintak simpati...

so, i will keep it to myself...

cukup la...

but, again...

i will definitely choose my mom...

especially in this hard time...

i have no explanation to be done...

i'm just tired of justifying myself...

i'm tired of justifying my life to others...

i'm tired of feeling guilty for my happiness...

i'm tired....

good nite...

saya tak perfect v2

saya mmg tak perfect.. no matter how hard i try to avoid problems, i will keep on facing it... saya tak perfect, i try to be fair... but, whatever i try, NOT ENOUGH...

if a real friendship ada exam, i might fail most of it... i never been a good friend... i'm trying... but, everything seems never good enough... yes, two or three of them might really appreciate it... but, i failed the others...

but, a friend of mine told me... why u even try?

well, i'm stupid enough to try... i'm stupid enough to please everyone... and i'm stupid enough to really understand what's friendship really was...

u know... a friend... dia memahami... imperfection dilihat as uniqueness... failure dilihat as an opportunity to prove to me that she's there to catch me... dia yg tau the right thing to say in the right time...

maybe, kurangkan sensitive di hati... then everything will be ok..

well... let's think again... kdg2, org jadi sensitive bersbb.... ada benda di hati... hmm...

forget about it... time to sleep...

kawan2... =)

hari ni buat apa yer?

jeng jeng jeng...

today nur dan ili n dina make a plan utk lawat shaza...

siapa ili dina n shaza?

they are my special friends.. =)

so... the journey started early in the morning since me and ili n dina need to go to collect our university's t-shirt.. so, i fetch ili n dina from LRT station n here we go... btw, usually my class is on weekends n friday... so, this is like the first time we go there early morning...

guess what? the parking full!!! so i need to go like further further inside while membebeling to ili n dina about how far we need to go n etc.. hahahaha... then finally we found the parking... so we just walk... finally we r there to collect the t-shirt.. but, this is like so funny ya actually.... why? coz we need to take number to collect the t-shirt... and guess what?? no one there except for us.. but, we need the wait like 3-5 minutes before they call our number... i was like.. wth? u can just watch us n let us wait? nasib ada byk kerusi best.. hahahaha...

ok, enough about it... so, later we go the near by famous amos n bought a lovely present for shaza! hehe.. we r like so excited and keep talking about our plan.. hahahaha... then, before we enter the parking site, there's this one black dog is looking at us... kami stop n tgk dia balik.. then kami start panicking.. then ili saw a chinese boy n ili ckp.. jom kita ikut blakang budak tu... takut la... then kami mcm pusing jauh sket.. n guess what??? anjing tu ikut kami from belakang.. then ili dah ke depan sket n i was holding tangan dina.. or should say, both of us genggam tgn masing2... its like a very hilarious moment n scary in the same thing... kami jalan mcm tak cukup tanah n i was like laughing out loud.. on top of that, ada la beberapa guard is standing nearby n just look n smile membiarkan kami bertiga ketakutan di ikut anjing.. -________-"

hahahaha... so kami pun continue gelak2 n ckp balik hal anjing tu sampai la ke kereta.. n since its still early, ili suggest us to take a breakfast first in the car since ili beli karipap.. nyum2... after my 1st karipap, ada like this one car... or i should say, stupid car... dia park infront of kereta sebelah saya... and guess what? line saya ialah line ke dua... if dia park situ, and other car buat mcm tu, mcm mana kereta kat tgh2 nak keluar? so u get what i mean? tgk picture bawah..

so, faham tak?? yg kotak kecik2 tu semua kereta... so, can u image how stupid that guy is? nampak yg mcm the other row? the lines of car, then ada laluan.. then baru start new row of car.. but that idiot park kat situ.. so? if ada org bodoh mcm dia, u tell me mcm mana kereta kat posisi saya n sebelah2 saya nak keluar from parking tu????? pffft....

so, akhirnya without finishing my breakfast, i get my car out from there... so i was driving n eating karipap n membebel.. hahahaha... then i stop by to drink water... then.. here we go! nak pi damansara.... oh yeah....

so, berbekalkan knowledge jalan yg tak brapa bagus, saya berjaya sampai ke kerinchi link.. then guess what? saya terlepas satu simpang ni.. so i'm lost... so, cerita dia mcm ni... saya tau nak pergi situ if saya guna jalan yg saya terlepas tu je... so, i dunno other road... so i told both of them, since we r still early, i want to patah balik utk masuk simpang tadi... btw i try using my BB's map.. mcm hampeh! hahahaha.. so akhirnya, saya patah balik to federal highway... silly me... lol.... paying tol yg byk... then masuk semula ke kerinchi link.. this time, i got it right.. taknak terlepas simpang itu... ili n dina just let me drive... sbb i jenis yg akan tanya mereka jalan.. then last2 saya akan jawab sendiri.. hahahahaha... so then... walla! Alhamdulillah we got there!

so, kami pun pergi secret resipe betul2 depan office shaza n secara excitednya tunggu... kami siap order makanan sbb i dah investigate dia akan makan apa if pergi situ.. hahahaha... btw, kami sorok first the present.. oh oh! and a card.. hahahaha...

dup

dap

dup

dap

akhirnya shaza turun! =) oh oh, btw tau nape kami dtg? coz we miss our shaza... and we know dia busy working, so, let us go to see her... =)

so.. shaza is excited too... btw, time tu actually i'm touched n rasa mcm nak nangis a bit... dunno why... maybe sbb sgt rindu shaza... and we know she miss us too... =)

so kami chit chat chit chat... and masa shaza dah nak balik kerja, we gave her the present n card! =) that time, all of our sesat journey actually worth it... =) love u....!

so, bila dah sampai parking after shaza naik, we r like, nak pergi mana?

ok.. so i say, ikea jom! then they was like.... nur tau jalan tak? ahhh... selamba.. ahhahahaha.... sbb i slalu pergi from kerinchi link terus kan.. so, how do i know nak pergi from my friend nye office? hahhahaha... so, the journey start again...

but, this one smooth lg la... sbb kitorang mcm tgh find the way, but thank God i follow sign board.. then, i masuk jalan yg i biasa lalu... so, here we go secara tenangnya ke ikea... hahahaha...

so... what did we do? makan meatball ikea... kek daim... then go for the prayer.. then kami buat our secret activity... hanya ili saya n dina tau.. our 6 minutes in heaven thing... hahahahahha... ok... rasa nak gelak2...

then later, we go back... oh.. before balik, sempat grab an aiskrim n jus... guess what? jus tu sgt masam.. ahahahaha... ok2...

so, perjalanan balik, ili pinjamkan touch n go dia sbb mine dah nak habis... so sweet of ili! hehe.... later, lepas drop them kat LRT station, saya pun balik... hujan sgt sgt sgt sgt lebat... but, Alhamdulillah saya selamat sampai rumah...

so... itula cerita saya for today!

mereka bertiga happykan saya!

hati saya tak kebal

masa tulis my previous blog, saya ada tulis...

"hati tak kebal"

so, here... a full entry for it...

why?

sbb hati saya mmg tak kebal.. bukan hati saya je... hati semua org tak kebal...

or maybe ada yg hati diorang kebal... i dont know...

but, one thing for sure, hati saya tak kebal...

saya mungkin nampak mcm tegas kdg2...

or... kdg2, nampak mcm saya happy selalu n buat selamba...

but, tu tak bermaksud saya takde hati n perasaan...

like for example...

org ckp...

"nur, dah la tu.. aku faham kau marah.. tapi apa kata kau beralah? kau pun tau kan dia takkan mintak maaf? then kau nak biarkan your friendship yg u build for years hilang mcm tu?"

----->> apa saya rasa bila org ckp mcm ni? kalau sekali dua, ok je... but, bila dah bertahun... u know.. saya pun ada hati... n one more thing, saya pun ada ego... penat tau asyik giving up my ego... hal yg saya tak salah pun saya kene mintak maaf... hmmm...

but, entahlah... saya kagum kamu boleh live your life doing something to others without even thinking about it later.. like for example, bila saya dah malas nak bg muka kat kawan2, (sbb bukan salah saya hal tu berlaku), saya akan eventually buat taktau.. but, somehow, bila masa dah berlalu, i will always forget about it and beralah... but, ada mereka kisah? i can do that... buat taktau.... but, bila saya buat taktau dan org tu asyik buat serangan secara senyap, tu dah lebih.. kan? hmmm... hati saya bukan kebal... saya akan terasa gak bila org nak serang senyap2...

again, hati saya tak kebal.... ada masanya, saya perlukan ruang utk bersedih... but seriously... tanya my close friends... apa yg saya tulis kat blog tentang kesedihan saya ni, saya tak bebankan mereka... i'm sure they dunno what's going on... sbb hati saya tak kebal... but, saya taknak susahkan org...

well... enough with it.... dah janji taknak sedih2...

but one thing, hati saya tak kebal...

ada masanya, hati saya bila diuji akan hancur berkecai...

but, Alhamdulillah, saya berjaya utk tak campurkannya dgn kehidupan seharian saya... life must go on.... walau tak kebal, hati saya berjuang dan tak mahu mengalah... sbb, hidup hanya sekali... kalau saya terlalu sibuk bersedih, saya takde masa nak nikmati kehidupan yg diberi... =)

saya tak perfect

who decide what we should do?

ourself?

friends?

family?

gf?

bf?

enemy??

come on...

penat la nak please semua org...

like for example....

if we r not ready yet to do something,

then, its ok...

but, dont do it for the sake of our not-so-called-friends...

mmg diorang sgt annoying sbb asyik tanya bila kita nak mula buat....

or... diorang will give that look...

what look?

those budak-ni-malas-dan-sgt-tak-capable-to-do-things look...

well, biar la...

tu yg kita ckp.. kan?

but actually,kita terkene gak tempias tu and mula la rasa tension...

and we will end up starting doing it walaupun tak ready...

why? kdg2... kita tak mampu nak ignore setiap kata2 org...

dlm byk2 serangan... ada yg tetap memberi kesan...

then akibatnya?

we r stressing ourself sbbkan.. NOTHING!

hmmm...

i know i mcm tu...

kdg2, sbb i want to biarkan org stop giving me that look,

i will force myself...

hmmm...

why?

bukan sbb lemah...

sbb kita boleh bertahan...

but... sbb eventually, hati kita ni...

dia bukan kebal...

eventually, dia akan terasa...

dia akan tension...

kdg2...

we can't ignore everything...

coz, there r things yg giving us impact...

without us realizing it or not...

without our consent...

bila fikir2...

kita hidup kat dunia ni bukan sorang2...

kdg2, kita akan tend utk dgr apa kata org...

hmm..

but, jgn slalu...

like me... i will just ignore it...

but eventually, i will complaint about it to my best friends...

pung pang pung pang ckp...

then, i will get over it...

but, if lepas 100 kali kau kutuk aku, aku bengang la gak.. hahahah

well people..

kita mengaku...

kdg2, kita buat salah...

and kdg2, org buat salah kat kita...

and i know...

dulu saya org yg tak suka ckp apa yg saya rasa...

then.... ada org asyik ckp, "kau biarkan org pijak kepala kau... kene tegas suarakan apa yg kau rasa...."

then... when saya berani bersuara...

hinggakan ramai yg tau perangai saya mcm mana...

if ada yg tak kene, i will talk to that person....

then again, ada suara2 yg ckp...

"kau ni tegas la nur..."

what the?

come on.... nak jadi org yg mcm mana?

so... instead of puaskan hati org...

saya buat taktau...

ada benda2 yg boleh bg kesan.. ada yg tak...

saya tak ckp saya perfect...

saya slalu je buat silap...

saya ada je buat kawan marah...

but one thing....

saya tak penah berubah satu benda..

setegas mana saya...

tanya kawan2 saya...

i'm type of person yg tegas, but, in the end, utk redakan keadaan, saya tak penah malu utk mintak maaf atas kesilapan saya....

u will get what i mean

kdg2, kita dlm situation where someone/something get to our nerve.. like seriously... pretending something.. or, they might not telling some sort of story with us... but, they will tell the story to the other friends to get into their nerve.. and in the end, i'm as the listening party also will end up fed-up with it... come on... let it be... i'm surprise when u dont tell that kind of story with me... but, u keep on brag about your life to another friend... why? ok, firstly coz i know i'm type of person that will question things... but, why do u need to brag to that other friend? she/he have feelings too... hmmm... stop this act...

consider this as example... (books is not the real "thing" that we r discussing)

B and C tell me that D is too much. this is because B and C baru je beli buku baru, then suddenly, D is bragging about dia ada a lot of collection of books yg expensive but dia malas je nak baca sbb dia tak suka... sbb ada YY bg... and lgpun, sbb dia tak brani citer kat i... so, kitorang plan a few lines utk tangkap D... btw C takde dlm dialog sbb dia busy... prepare nak pi bercuti... *C, if u baca ni.. but i know u tak baca blog i.. hahaha... if baca, bg saya hadiah! mat salleh!"

A: u know, last week i saw a new books collection...

B: interesting! eh, D, u nye yg mcm mana?

A: eh, D! u pun ada books collection...? taktau pun...

D: oh... oh... ada... errr... ala, but i tak suka pun baca.... errr... but ada la... sbb ada XX bagi... but u know la, i tak suka benda mcm tu...

A: ic ic... u nye buku tentang apa?

D: er.. ala... yg mcm B nye.... buku empat segi.. mcm B punya la senang citer...

B: eh.. rugi la tak baca kalau ada buku expensive mcm tu...

D: kita mmg tak minat sgt... tapi XX suka bg...

A: eh, mcm mana tadi u ckp design buku u?

D: mcm B nye... XX yg bg.. XX suka bg benda mcm tu.. ni tak lama lg, dia nak bg buku "XOR" (jenama buku mahal) kat my abg....

B and A: ......

so, can u see? firstly, dia terkantoi... jap YY bagi.. jap XX bg... enough la....! huh!

so, now.. what should i say? B and C dah bengang... saya pun byk insiden yg bengang... but then... entahlah...

kdg2 mmg la rasa bersalah bila B and C tell me the story and saya bersetuju... but then... D tak penah rasa bersalah bila dia buat something to us... so why must kami now nak rasa bersalah?

entahlah... this is hard.... semua kawan saya... but, i'm facing it too... sbb tu kami semua akan berkongsi cerita about how D is too much...

now... yg rasa itu kami.... maybe org yg dgr n baca tak terasa impaknya... but try stay for that situation for more than 6-7 years... u will get what i mean...

ok?

i been there...

sedih2...

but then...

life must go on...

yes, the scars will remain there...

but....

i want to live my life..

rather than holding on to something that are not for me...

so, for the past few weeks,

my entry is regarding it...

now?

i will remind my self to be happy...

inside n out...

hmmm...

a promise to myself...

look who am i...

what did i done wrong?

avoiding repeating it..

ok?

new!

new week!

so?

new start... new spirit!

=)

nak beli apa?

its 2.00pm here... satgi kene pi kelas... oh yeah! kelas sampai kul 945pm...

best la...

siapa ckp tak best?

.

.

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betullah... best.... =)

takde motif! hahaha....

ok.. actually, rasa nak minum green tea...

kat umah nye dah habis...

and kene beli makanan ciko yg comel ni....

pasir utk dia XXX...

apa lg...

oh... rumput2 utk dia makan...

ops... byk pula...

saya?

green tea...

hahahaha...

amboi cik ciko,

makanan tu... amboi2..

hahahaha...

well, siapa kata saya kedekut?

oh.. kucing saya yg kata...

dia takde la kata...

but dia buat muka mcm kata saya kedekut..

u got what i mean?

.

.

.

.

wait till u spend enough time with the cats, u will understand...

haha...

why?

sbb saya tak beli makanan kucing...

mak saya beli....

tapi saya beli sendiri makanan rabbit...

klu bwk balik, slalunya lebih dari 1 plastik...

then akan tayang kat kucing saya...

pasal tu dia ckp saya kedekut..

teeehheee.....

.

.

.

.

yer la.. ciko yg suka makan...

and saya yg takley tgk mangkuk dia kosong... asyik tlg tambahkan je...

siap ada tambahan in case dia bosan dgn sesuatu rasa...

lgpun bukan slalu...

2 minggu sekali je tambah stock dia...

dan takde la mahal....

dlm rm100 je....

hahahha....

and slalu suh dia doa saya dimurahkan rezeki..

hahaha...

ok, nak buat baik dgn kucing plak la...

satgi i will buy u something too.. ok my dear?

=)

shampoo kucing.. nak tak?

.

.

.

.

dia buat muka tak puas hati...

.

.

.

dia tak suka mandi! hahahahhaha....

terima kasih!

one thing....

i love having friends that believe i can do something,

when me myself don't believe at all...

i love the way they argue with me...

telling me that i can do it....

and me, fighting over and say i can't... i just can't...

and, when i finally made it...

they will say...

"i told u so..."

"dah ckp dah...! tak nak caya!"

haha...

love u my friends...

terima kasih...

when u believe in me...

when the others look down at me...

and me myself don't have faith in it...

=)

what else should i ask?

oh.. ya...

May Allah bless our friendship....

till the end of my life...

Amin...

=)

talking to the moon

talking to the moon... i really do like this song...

awww

i'm having my cat on my bed...

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sleeping

and

my rabbit in the toilet..

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.

playing with the bear, but i'm sure he will sleep soon...

me?

.

.

.

terasa bahagia tgk kucing ni tido nyenyak...

=)

walaupun dia amik almost half of my bed and even jeling when my leg kene ekor dia... pffftt...

but then...

dia sgt comel!!!

ok... enough said...

one thing about my cat...

dia bangun waktu subuh...

and dia akan bangunkan saya....

mcm mana?

kiss my face sampai saya rimas..

or

mengiau betul2 kat telinga saya...

.

.

.

.

betul ke dia ni kucing?

.

.

.

.

hahaha... kucing yg bijak!

awwww... awwww... tgk tu dia tido.... hehe...

.

.

.

nite my dear princess.. tido leklok...

nite too my dear ciko, stop playing n sleep...

=)

buku

saya tak suka mengemas..!
wow...
haha...
don't get me wrong ya...
saya suka mengemas....
tapi.....
one thing...
bila time nak lap brg2 lama or re-arrange brg2 lama....
it will takes more time...
why? sbb every pieces of it can bring back memory...
so....
i will end up remembering the memory..
yg manis, takpela...
yg pahit... gulp... telan je la k...

how amazing a picture can tell us thousand of stories...
how amazing a card can makes me smile...
and how amazing a note makes me cry...
wow...
i'm getting there...
where?
the soft spot of me...
yg nanti mula la nak sedih tu..
ok ok..
we dont have to go there k...
=)

so, what did i do? since i have a lot..
i really mean it when i say, A LOT of stuffs...
hmmm....
so... i sebenarnya kemas sbb i'm letting go those things sbb nak occupied my books.... yes... so, sorry.... atleast the books wont drag me to the memory land too often...
we just need to move on... right?

so, what did i do?
whoa.. the drastic one is...
i empty almost half of my closet.. haha...
yaaa... because i'm such a collector... susah nak buang brg.. konon2 everything ada value tersendiri.. mcm, baju ni pakai masa ni sini.. so, syg nak buang.. yayaya...

haha... so, i buang almost half of it... and my bags too..
yaa... ada byk gileeee handbag... so.... i put aside those utk bg je kat org sape2 yg nak...
so, after emptying it.. i masukkan plak dgn brg2 yg selama ni kat rak... so... now rak dah makin kosong... and ada part in my closet yg still kosong... guess what i do???
.
.
.
hahahha... yes... penuhkan dgn buku lg.... can u imagine? hahahahha.... dlm almari tu utk buku2 yg dah guna... academic book utk semester lepas2...

so now... saya ada byk ruang2 kosong utk buku2 lain kat rak buku.... sgt sgt sgt suka... but hey.. bilik saya bukannya library...

sebenarnya penuh with my bear collection juga... yg sgt sgt sgt sgt syg nak let go...
so... hahaha.... a lot okayyyy!

so, end up... atas katil still kene ada buku.... why?
i will always put magazine or buku mcm readers digest next to me atas katil... since my bed is queen size and i'm sleeping alone, another part are for those magazine.. usually i will put 2... why???

sbb... i always have problem sleeping... so, i will read those books before i sleep... heee....

so, now everything is in the order...

what else?
.
.
.
oh.. telling my mom that i want to throw away those stuff... haha...
guess what? umi said...

"wahh.... bagusnya nur nak let go of these stuff... all of these boleh bg org... good2... but, let me guess... u up to something too right? "

"eh... mana ada la umi... saje je nak buat sbb nak letak buku... buku byk sgt..."

"oh... ok...."

10 minutes later...

"mi, nur bosan la.. nanti minggu depan lepas masuk duit allowance, jom kita pi shopping... nak beli beg baru la..."

"dah agak dahhhhhh....... mesti ada sbb nak kemas2 brg ni... sbb nak beli yg baru..."

"eh.... takdela... er.... cuma mcm sambil menyelam minum air.."

"ish... apa la nak jadi ni.. u should save your money... and...."

then saya menyampuk,

"oh... umi tau... kat XXX ada design baru... mesti lawa kan handbag dia..."

"eh... yer ke? ok.. nak cari kasut la... "

hahahahah... can u see? like mother like daughter... saya baru je distract my mom... yipee! takyah simpan duit.. hahahah...

hasilnya... saje nak tunjuk buku2 yg kene baca utk exam... waaa! T.T

heeee.... i can have my ipod speaker, printer, bear, tudung and books all in one place.. oh, and handbag too! lol

p/s: did i tell u, bawah katil saya ni semuanya buku???

haha...

weirdo

friday dtg tak lama lg... heee... masa org happy... terbalik dgn saya...
jumaat... ya... jumaat ini... saya ada kelas....
wait for it...
sabtu juga....
.
.
.
oh, did i tell u, termasuk ahad? hehe...
best tak?
eh.. mestilaaa....
pffffftt....

takley update blog... kelas habis kul 945pm... drive balik rumah dah kul 11pm... esok tu kelas kul 9 pagi... zzzzZZZZzzzz...

haha... but the best thing is... jalan tak jem... heee..

this week will be my last class... then, i will be having my mock test... then, revision class 3 hari berturut2... nak bincang result mock test la tuuuuuu...
then.... june....
dup dap
dup dap
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.
.
exam... heee....

taknak stress out dulu...
nak stress masa revision class nanti boleh?
sbb nak pegi konvo nanti happy2..
=)
=)
senyum sorang2...
weirdo....

haha....

makes me smile

no matter how small that thing is.. kdg2, impaknya sgt besar.. why do i said so? sbb nowdays, saya tersenyum sbbkan benda2 kecik itu... apakah? let me share a bit of those things...

1. bila saya tgk gambar pemandangan seperti langit yg sgt cerah... or, tumbuhan hijau...

2. having my cat sit beside me walaupun dia terpaksa bersempit, but, dia insist nak dok dekat2 gak...

3. bila saya bangun lambat, my cat will keep on mengiau depan pintu bilik sampai la saya bangun... then bila bukak pintu, dia mengiau byk2 mcm tgh membebel n watch me brushing my teeth.. haha...

4. bila bukak youtube, ada video from org2 yg menarik n sgt sgt kelakar..

5. bila bukak blog, ada comment! =)

6. bila bbm saya berbunyi... hehe.... asyik sunyi jeee???

7. bila tlg mak buat apam polka dot, tapi saya asyik makan jem tu.. hahahha....

8. bila abg saya ckp apam tu lawa! hahahah... sbb dia sgt pandai masak... so, bila dia puji, mcm sgt bangga... hahahaha....

9. bila my friends texted me and say they love me and miss me... auuwww... =)

10. bila saya takley tido malam, and kebetulan ada majalah kat sebelah utk dibaca...

11. kepuasan habiskan sesuatu buku.... =) i can never explain this... terutamanya if its a great book written by a great person...

12. dgn berbaring atas katil n have a look kat rak buku... i love the feeling watching the fact that i have a lot of books.... everywhere in my room, books... hehe...

13. perasaan minum vanilla ice blended... if possible with black pearl.. heee... and, nak kat satu tempat ni... less than rm5, but sedap gile... yg starbucks nye vanilla pun tak dpt lawan...

14. and.... eating dimsum!!! and currently, sushi tooo!!!! suka sgt sgt sgt sgt...

15. bila duduk borak dgn kawan 2-3 jam berckp mcm2 perkara...

16. bila tgk org tersenyum... =) rasa nak senyum gak...

and... byk lg...
benda2 simple je...
but, i dunno... it makes me smile.. =)

heee...

heee.... tadi mood baik.. tlg my mom....
tadaaaa! apam polka dot!

jar of hearts

i just like this song... =) don't u?

sejak bila?

enough with the sedih week...

this week ada kelas...

so... time to be happy...

dpt jumpa kawan2...

=)

yes....

btw, kenapa.... kenapa by any chance... saya jadi takut nak tulis lg... nak luahkan lg kat blog ni... sbb bila tulis status kat fb generally pun kene tegur... kat blog takyah ckp la... hmm... but, attact dtg dari sorang je... why oh why? can't i speak? can't i write? kalau kau tak suka, back off.... why oh why u must try to ensure i tak tulis dah? apa masalah anda sebenarnya? u said, cukup2 la tu kat saya... but, have u ever think, cukup2 la tu nak kutuk saya? what did i do u wrong?

.

.

.

think

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.

.

i'm not an angel... saya pun ada buat silap... but, i can still remember clearly.... saya tak kacau awk.... but, u keep on ckp, stop writing whatever i doing.... why????

in the first place, i tak suh u baca.... u jumpa my blog pun i taktau mcm mana... then, why u nak emo tak tentu pasal? and lgpun, i can say la... my entry mostly tentang the pain and how i'm trying to live my life... tak penah tulis pasal u... until recently bila u keep on berkicauan bising2 suh stop... penah tgk tak? blog ni mula sejak bila???????????? argghhh....

i'm living my life... so... can u live yours? u know... a piece yg advise.... bila saya baca blog tentang org sakit... or kesakitan mereka or kebahagian mereka, saya tak rasa mereka pura2... setiap org ada bahagian masing2... i wont understand betapa kesakitan itu... and, that's why i respect them... tuhan dah sediakan bahagian saya... dan mereka dgn bahagian mereka... hmmm..

so... stop... =)

ok?

ok... if u dont like... i won't write it down kat fb...

*walaupun that is my right...*

but, its ok...

but hey.....

i tak tulis kat fb....

kat twitter pun....

so... my blog...

jgn kacau....

like seriously....

kau ada cara kau sendiri...

i never question it...

so....

don't u cross the line....

this is my place....

like seriously...

asyik nak jaga perasaan org....

takkan kat blog pun kene jaga lg?

yg pelik tu....

kau melenting nape?

well... siapa makan cili, dia terasa pedas...

enough said...

=)

btw, this blog...

hmmm...

this is mine...

the only place i can write...

the place yg stop me from falling a part....

a place where i takkan susahkan org...

i dont need siapa2 nye masa...

this is my time...

me and only me...

do respect it...

ok?

=)

dia ckp...

cukup2 la tu....

tak habis2 lg ke?

saya ckp...

tapi, ini hidup saya...

awk apa tau?

=)

what say u?

kepada sesiapa yg berkenaan...

i dunno how to tell u this...

but, when u asked me on how i live my life...

as if, i can have two types of life...

i can be a cheerful person, but, in this blog, the other part of me...

how do i do that?

well, with a magic trick, u can do it too!

heee

no laaa...

so, how exactly it is?

i can say this..

Allah swt always with me...

sbb tu i'm still the same me...

sbb tu, despite all the pain...

i can still act normal n laugh in front of my friends...

and because i can also think...

kalau nak layan kesedihan... ada batasannya...

bila kita bersendirian...

bila waktu itu waktu kita....

but bila waktu itu waktu kita dan family or kawan2 kita...

takkan kita nak rosakkan mood semua org?

so... lets be happy...

that is the way it is...

tu pandangan saya la..

what say u?

.

.

.

.

but, apa pun, kene hormati diri...

kene bg masa kat diri kita...

kalau diri tgh sakit, bg peluang utk luahkan kesakitan itu...

kenapa saya kata begitu?

sbb saya tau mcm mana rasa sakit itu...

bila sakit itu dtg, saya pernah tersungkur....

saya masih igt lg...

masa tu... tahun lepas....

ketika kami semua bertarung... (wah, bertarung ke?)

bertarung utk semester terakhir...

saya nampak ok je...

happy2....

but there is this one time...

i just cant take it...

bukan sbb study....

but, sbb hal hati....

what i do? saya pernah menangis senyap2 dlm bilik...

tapi masa tu.. duduk rumah sewa.. berkongsi bilik dgn kawan baik...

hmmm...

saya ckp nak tido awal...

but, hakikatnya... menangis....

but, satu ketika tu, kawan saya perasan....

akhirnya.... mereka semua... ya... mereka semua..

nasib baik kawan rumah tu semua mmg kawan baik saya...

mereka semua tanya kenapa sebenarnya dgn saya...

i try... i really try to tell...

but, there's always something i can't tell...

so, i end up in the shower... cry n cry.. but...

kemudian, diri ini sedar sendiri... takley ikutkan hati...

so, amik wudhuk, terus solat...

and, end up... menangis di hujung solat itu...

sakit.. betul....

hmmm...

ada juga satu ketika... masa tu, lepas exam...

kawan serumah ada yg keluar...

tinggal sorang ni...

so what i do?

bwk dia pi makan...

and, i just dont want to go back rumah sewa..

saya takut akan sedih lg....

so...

i end up bwk kawan saya tu round2 tanpa hala tujuan...

about 1 hour....

sbb apa?

just utk tenangkan hati...

so... siapa kata saya tak penah bersedih?

hell ya...

but, i tak bgtau...

should i?

no....

bukan semua yg mendengar itu ialah org yg nak dgr...

kan?

so, ya... kalau awk ckp awk sakit... saya juga tau sakit itu....

saya pernah laluinya...

cerita saya tu? mungkin 1% drpd kesakitan itu je...

but now, masa tu dah berlalu....

and now... i know i'm stronger than before...

the part of me yg org taktau...

but i'm sharing a bit of it...

even if no one care...

i just wanted to let it out...

=)

think

nak tau serabut mcm mana hati ni?

senang je....

tgk berapa byk entry yg muncul in one time...

haha....

i want to write...

but...

there's something holding me back...

hmmm....

ok.... maybe one by one?

baru la it is easy to write...

coz, kdg2 bila nak tulis tu... tetiba semua rasa nak dtg in one time...

susah tau!

huhu...

ok...

.

.

.

.

.

the pain, i had wrote about it a lot... now, isu lain.. k?

.

.

isu apa lg?

.

.

.

.

dilemma... i want to do something, but, i taktau kemampuan diri.. can i do it? or not? and, is this a right decision? what is the right one? no one know.. except for Allah swt.. am i right?

i want to do something, but, i will end up being alone...

eh wait...

bila sakit tu dtg... bila org tak faham... that is what i want... to be alone... i wish that i can go somewhere else where people takkan judge me...

hmmm...

atleast it will meet my objective...

let me think about it....

kan?

pernah tak rasa, apa yg dirancang, takley dilaksanakan?

and... bila nak buat.... ada je variables yg keep on changing...

bila kita buat sesuatu keputusan, kita buat guna ceteris paribus... assuming the others unchanged.. lol... but, bila we really want to do it... everythings changed... like seriously people... hmm...

seperti... when we enter a relationship... kita assume everything will be fine... kita dah ready... but somehow... berubah lg kan?

or... when we want to decide about our future.... we plan it ahead... but, bila dah dekat... berubah lg kan....?

now... why am i writing it?

sbb its related to my life...

why?

sbb....

ok.. i never imagine i will be in such a pain...

but yes... here i am...

and, i dah plan something...

but, end up...

yes...

i need to consider a lot...

and i end up,

undecided...

argghhh....

why oh why....

why is it hard to make decision?

well, it is just a part of our life...

live with it...

kan? huhu...

salingan

salingan sebentar...

this is my new favourite number...

65

oh yeahhh....

65

hahahha....

and and....

9

heeeee....

.

.

.

.

.

why why again?

sidang 9. no 65...

oh yeah!

excited sorang2... hahaha

because i said so

hmm...

u know... this is not easy... there was this one time... i'm badly injured by a man... why? sbb, ntah... sbb bodoh kot.. haha... sbb terlalu bodoh and pi suka lelaki tu betul2... but, in the end, sakit je... hmmm... so, i took a loooooooooooong time to recover... i really mean it bila i ckp a long time...

it took me more than 5 years... lepas 4-5 thn tu, i found someone... yg i igtkan... dpt membantu... membantu utk hilangkan rasa sakit tu... and hell ya, i bukan senang2 nak bukak hati... but, finally, i did... but i guess, i was wrong again... after a couple of years... yes, a couple of years.. bukan months... (hey, how old am i? hahaha...) the pain... bertambah... guess what? tiba2....

yes.. tiba2.... luka lama dtg kembali... so, berdarah kembali.... and then... the existing one... add on it... so, u know.... it hurts badly!! but, saya tetap kagum dgn diri saya... i still kuat... i will only falling into pieces when i'm alone... bila ada org... i'm the most happiest people alive... hmmm...

and guess what... now.... luka lama tu dah ok... but, the newest tu... sakit...still sakit....

but, what to do? life must go on... i cuba jadi mcm biasa.... forgiveness might help... but, i wont forget about it...

why? because i said so...

and sebenarnya...

lg sakit bila... the only place i can write what i feel and becoming me, kat situ la ada suara2 yg ckp... "ntah pape la... sedih tak tentu pasal..."

well, suara2 itu... ini pasal saya... sibuk pehal?

=)

itu apa?

ok... today nak ckp something yg tak penah ckp...

tentang kecik hati...

let me tell u this...

come on people...

jgn tipu...

setiap drpd kita, pasti ada saat2 yg kita terasa hati...

kecik hati.... simpan dlm hati or whatever u all call it...

kan? kan?

why am i asking this?

sbb i tetiba terasa muak dgn this one particular person...

firstly, i kenal dia pun sbb kawan i yg kenalkan...

and one thing...

i dah perasan dia tak suka having me around...

but, i buat taktau je la...

then... ada la beberapa peristiwa....

dia buat hal....

yg seriously buat hal...

tikam drpd belakang...

and dia bley ketawa bila dia tau saya terluka...

damn!

and guess what?

dia ckp, padan muka...

motif?

satu je....

push me as far as dia boleh...

kenapa?

hanya i dan dia tau...

hmmm...

ok, then...

akhir2 ni.. dia ni berlagak baik plak...

kat status fb n bbm, nampak sgt dia terasa with someone...

i taktau la sape... yg pasti bukan i sbb i tak layan dia dah...

but, bila ada org comment, dia ckp, dia tak kecik hati pun...

what the???

my point is...

kenapa kau nak berlagak baik?

muka mmg dah elok dah tuhan jadikan...

tapi, kan lebih elok if perangai kau elok gak?

come on,

if kau terasa dgn kawan kau tu...

ckp je la...

takyah ckp, kau tak penah kecik hati...

kalau kau ckp,

kau DAH TAK kecik hati, logik...

tapi...

kau TAK PENAH kecik hati, tak logik...

u got what i mean?

nape i marah?

sbb... dulu....

satu ketika dulu...

masa i baru je sembuh drpd luka,

kau tambah luka itu...

dan...

kau ckp....

"padan muka, sape suh kacau XX"

damn! i tak kacau dia...

malah, i larikan diri dari dia...

dia yg keep on cari i...

why i nak lari?

sbb kalau kau nak tau,

dia antara sbb nape hati aku luka berdarah masa tu...

so, kau tak patut tambah luka tu...

and ckp...

padan muka...

tau tak sakit itu apa?

kuat

bila fikir2 balik...

mmg la sedih...

sakit la bila kene tipu...

bla bla bla....

but, hey, after all that....

i never failed wake up in the morning and be happy....

yes, i will be sad...

when i'm alone...

or terutamanya masa malam2...

but....

after all that,

i can still be me....

so, i'm kinda strong u now...

i boleh simpan sorang2...

and i can pretend like nothing happen...

oh heart,

u r strong...

despite everything that happen....

u r strong...

mmg betul kan...

Tuhan takkan uji kita dgn ujian yg kita takley tempuhi....

masa laluinya...

kita rasa nak give up...

and rasa mcm tak mampu nak rasa sakit tu...

but, lepas tu...

kita kene kuat gak kan?

so.... ya....

i sedih...

but i akan kuat....

thanks diriku sbb jadi kuat...

24/7

so... here's how it started...

i'm watching television just now...

then suddenly, i realized i'm all alone...

so, and nothing interest me in any channels...

so... switch off the television and went up to my room...

once i'm here... everything change....

all i wanted to do is think... think... think......

so...

i end up remembering all the pain...

but hey, the pain never go away....

i only hide it in my room...

so when i'm all alone...

the pain will directly appear in front of me...

not that i'm running away from my problems...

but, i'm trying to put a line between my personal problem and my life...

i can't imagine me holding on the problem 24/7...

i will end up being someone that is totally so not me...

i will not laugh out loud....

hmmm...

i end up posting several post in one night...

this is better than me mourning in my bed doing nothing...

what la?

i know this one thing...

hati disakiti....

when i'm all alone...

i will feel the pain...

my heart and my mind will directly switch the mood...

but, u know what....

i tak kacau u....

when i'm with my friends...

i'm still me...

i laugh a lot...

like A LOT...

i jokes around...

i'm still the same me....

so, pehal nak marah?

sbb, even if my heart broken into billions of pieces...

and my heart all pain and bla bla bla...

but, i didnt drag my friends into it...

i wont talk about it...

unless...

i repeat...

UNLESS...

my friends ask about it...

and still, i never tell everything...

coz u know what....

it gonna take one whole day for me to tell everything...

so... no....

like seriously...

even if i'm hurt madly and deeply....

i takkan susahkan my friends...

i wont....

this is my problem....

in fact, its my heart problem...

i dont want to drag them into it....

so, can u now leave?

stop criticize something u dont know...

my wish list v2

updated version!!

1. bruno mars concert ticket on 10 april @pwtc ------> i dont give a shit anymore.. i can have my own concert in my bedroom..

2. to have my friends (shadah, kila, zarul n awien) to attend my convocation coz i know my abg am wont be attending it since dia kat uk.. so, hoping for my friends to come and make me more happy.. -------> i changed my mind... something came up... so, cancel....

3. baju kurung utk convo! i want yg i choose my self... maybe red... or purple *wink wink* ------> i don't give a shit either... whatever....

4. new handbag *that i choose myself* haha... ------> hell ya i still want a new handbag... belum dpt.. hehe...

5. i want someone to teach me how to make up... just a simple one... *sbb tak penah suka benda2 mcm tu... compact powder is the only one i'm using* -----> nothing to write... booooooooooo to myself... hahahha...

6. oh oh.. rindu... lama tak pi makan kat chilis! nyummehhhh.... ------> later....

7. nak jam baru... * pretty plssssss* ------> DONE... oh yehh!

8. nak perfume vanila, preferably princess by vera wang... *pretty plssssssss* ------> .......

9. kasut baru and flip flop baru *i need to choose it myself yehhh* ------> ya ya.. dah jumpa yg minat... but nanti la... tunggu sponsor.. hahaha...

10. something that i really want but too shy to write it here... but it cost me about RM 900 *saje tulis sbb nak remind myself about it* ------> what is it again??? hahahaha...

11. new purse *but not really eager to have a new one as my existing still ok* ------> gedikk.... pakai jeee apa yg ada...

12. one day fun time with my friends... *hang out, eat, and something fun and adventurous! * -----> insyaAllah gonna meet them time convo... =)

.

.

.

.

tambahan

13. i want to disappear... dont ask me why... hmmm....

14. i wish i can make up my mind regarding a lot of things... hmmmm....

15. Ya Allah, u showed me the true colour of some of my friends... can u keep me far away from them? i'm hurting... i am hurting... deeply... truly... plz... Amin...

16. i wish i can wash away all the pain in my heart... i can't feel it anymore...

17. do take care of my precious friends... especially SHNID... they might not read this... but God, plz... take care of them... it doesn't matter whether they know how i feel... most importantly, God, You know how i feel...

18. i cant help but ask u again, wash away my pain in my heart... it hurts badly...

19. now... i realized that i dont really need any fancy stuff... but, all i wanted are those money can't buy...

enough for now...

help

my heart broke into pieces....

and it will not be the same...

not that i cant put it back together...

but, for me...

it is better that way...

if its already broken,

no one can brake it again...

i repeat..

.

.

.

NO ONE CAN BRAKE MY HEART AGAIN..

hmmm....

so, can u see know how broken my heart is?

i stop believing in those things....

i tried to give it a chance...

in fact, a lot of chances...

but... i think....

its enough for now....

someone asked me... how long will u be like this....?

but, do u bother to ask, how long had u been this way?

well.... frankly speaking...

i started to feel that i'm giving up 2 years ago...

but....

i'm the one who keep on giving chances...

believe in the impossible things...

bla bla bla...

so now.... let it be...

pathetic me to keep on writing on those things...

but hey....

i can't help myself...

i can't share it with people...

i just can't....

writing does help me....

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like seriously...