i am not good enough

so, here i am.. atleast i know today my day was ok....

boleh makan utk my mom...

but, i'm not going to write about it...

i'm going to write about something else...

i know sometimes, people jokes around...

but, ada benda2 yg tak cool...

imagine i have a really tough week... then dgn semangat belajar tak kunjung tiba.. and dgn having my hard time in my personal life... then i can finally go out n have fun... but, someone suddenly question me why am i having fun? why am i eating this... why am i go there? personally, yes, saya mengaku... saya sgt sensitive! and lgpun, ok, maybe one of u nak joke around, but, why lg sorang secara sinisnya talked to me? marah? tak cool... can u imagine? saya tgh happy akhirnya... then, kene perli n marah mcm tu... u know how sad i am? the moment i hung up the phone, i cried non stop... questioning myself what else is going to be wrong?? i'm trying so hard, yet, never good enough....

why am i all sensitive about never good enough? because this is what i've been having sejak dulu... whatever i do, never good enough huh?? when i tell someone, i dpt a good result, the respond, oh.. ok... when i told someone, saya nak grad degree dah.. the respond, oh, ok... yes, saya tau, ada yg gembira... ramai yg gembira, but why am i so sad? sbb that someone is someone special... so, after having series of those incident, yes, saya sensitive!

so ya... if sape2 nak ckp saya oversensitive, go ahead... i'm not a type of person yg akan burst into tear easily, but, hell ya i'm very sensitive about friends.. my best friends... at least that is what i rasa n fikir...

if, without giving u what u want making me a less best friend, i'm sorry... but, i had enough... keep on marahkan saya... yes u can... coz u know what? it wont be good enough... i will NEVER be good enough to anyone that i want to... i tried... and obviously i failed...

this is very difficult for me... but, what can i say n do? saya tak sangka akan tahap, people will question about what i ate.. if to be your bestfriend is about telling u what i'm gonna eat.. about telling u what i want to buy to other friends... and need to justifying why i do something, sorry, i give up... yes, its hurts badly... but, i'm not good enough to do that...

yes, i dont mad at u... but, yes, i'm sad... and i know u're sad too sbb i'm sure whatever i write, ada yg buat kamu kecik hati... but u know.... i'm not good enough...

try to please everyone u love, u will end up becoming me... its very very devastating to know i had failed to please the people i love... i dont care about others, i care about the one i love.. but, setakat ni.. saya gagal nak puaskan hati majority of the persons i care...

now... i don't feel like seeing sape2 pun... i will stick to my mom... atleast i can please her... atleast she won't question what i ate walaupun that day dia makan lambat sbb waiting for me..

bila fikir, i know... people akan ckp, nur, u over react over a simple joke... yes, say whatever u want... i never good enough kan?.. so, benda tu tak bg kesan dah...